i traded my stars for city lights
because they seemed so much closer to me
but the streetlights are still out of my reach
and it’s getting colder and colder here

but last night, walking beneath the skyline
with you, the stars in windows
illuminating your face
smiling like a starburst in the black expanse of space

i felt warm.


i have strategized:
i am ready to fall in love
i am ready to look at a boy and think,
“we are going to destroy each other”
as our lips (and hips)
march in to battle


people say that spring
reminds them
of the scent of flowers

(but i don’t think
they mean
the ones lining the rooms of
funeral homes)


it’s funny how two years later
i still find myself thinking about boys
who inhale stardust
and speak words of decay
boys who breathe in green,
and exhale gray.

supernova skin

they say
that a million stars died so that i could live
but i only ever realize it
when i am broken and beaten,
bruises shaped like tiny galaxies
upon the infinity of my skin

boys boys boys

boy number one
and i never agreed on anything
but when we were together it was like nothing else mattered,
we were addicted, we craved time together
even if it was just buying a pack of gum at his register in the grocery store

boy number two
was quiet, he noticed things in me i didn’t notice about myself
he wrote the way i wished i could and loved comic books
he was shy, but always brave enough to talk to me
until one day he wasn’t, and then he moved away

boy number three
never paid me attention when we were together,
but the moment i’d leave he’d tell me a thousand times how much he missed me
in black letters on a little blue screen
he took me to concerts, he made me mix cds, he fell in love with my best friend

boy number four
stayed up til five a.m. and told me all his secrets
he sang me praises and played me songs
he didn’t have money but he bought me gifts
and expected nothing of me in return


the only thing they had in common
was that after i wrote about them, i lost them.


i miss those blithe summer days when we were seventeen
a spontaneous car ride, an empty field, and a roll of film
i took your picture and swore every shot was a masterpiece

but i never did get that film developed, did i?